Jessie / Lebanon
“When I was small my parents saw me playing with a Barbie doll with a girl. They beat me. There are taboos – boys shouldn’t play with girls. My father said I was like a donkey, a dog. ‘You’re a disgrace’ he said…
When I was 6 or 7 years old, when my family was away, I used to sit in front of the mirror and put make up on like my mum. Sometimes my family caught me – they would insult me and beat me.
My uncle raped me when I was 11 and told me not to tell anyone about this. He raped me three times. I felt destroyed. He was stronger and forced me to do this against my will. I got depressed. It lasted for a long time. It was a very horrible period of my life. He used to tell me it was normal and give me money and told me not to tell anyone. I used to scream and tell him to go away. I couldn’t tell anyone about it because no one would believe me because he was this religious person.
My brother has always been ashamed of me. He still is. Many times through my life he beat me and insulted me. Five or six times, with the support of my father, he tried to kill me. My brother tried to stab me but he never was able to. Several times he beat me with a thick piece of wood. Once my father tried to strangle me but I managed to escape and run away… I used to go to school with bruises on my face. Teachers would ask me what had happened. I would cry and not say anything. I was afraid.
I had studied nursing for one year but when we were to start the internship, which we must do to graduate, my instructor told me ‘you should change yourself, and change your look if you want to do the internship’ I said ‘I can’t change myself. My behavior and my look is not related to my knowledge and my education.’ She then called my parents and told them that they need to change me, and that I should go through spiritual therapy and I cannot do the internship because my look and my style would damage the reputation of the university.
I was very down when I realized I would not be able to be a nurse, I got depressed. But then I thought, ‘no, I’m not going to give up, I’m going to show her that I will be successful. I will graduate and find a job to show that there are people who can accept me’ – not like her.
I’ve been looking for a job for five years, but when they see me for the interview, they often cancel it. Once when I went to apply for a job at a hospital, there was a big group of people handing in their CV’s, they took everyone’s, but refused to take mine. At another hospital I went for an interview, they said to me “You’re coming to apply here? We can’t receive people like you here! We don’t even know your gender!” I turned around and left. I felt so humiliated and oppressed.
It was morning, I was still in bed, my father burst into my room, he started shouting at me ‘you have damaged our dignity and our honor!’ as he said these words he raised a broom which he had in his hand and beat me with it. I started screaming and all the neighbors came. He threw down the broom and left my room, but he came back immediately with a knife. The neighbors were shouting ‘kill her and make humanity relieved from her, we don’t need these kinds of people in our neighborhood!’ I tried to escape. I thought that someone would help me but they were all against me. Somehow, I don’t know how, I managed to get my clothes and escape.
This is the tradition. I know he will keep trying and if he doesn’t do it with his own hand one of the family members will. He still sends me threatening messages… I’m waiting for my father to come back after me, but it might not be him, I’m afraid of all the people where I live… but I was born this way and I will die this way!
Dear family: I am a human being and I have the right to live, and to build myself and reach my aims and my sexual identity and continue my studies, and build my future and my real world, which not ruled by bad traditions. You destroyed me, abused me and humiliated me. But despite all of these I am still a human like any other human being which he have his own dreams and hopes to reach. I wish to live in a country where I am treated like a human and which will give me the opportunity to live my life in a normal way, I am in real need for the minimum of my rights as a human being.”
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28 comments on “Jessie’s Story”
You have to get out of that place, we have to come up with Safe Way for people to escape such intolerance
i found your story while doing an assignment for school. i am a lesbian, living in the us and i can’t even imagine what you are going through. how are you these days. I wish i could help in some way, even if its just sending a note to brighten your day. sending love.
You are a strong woman. The world needs more people like you. You are such an inspiration. I thank good for your existence and I send you love. Please dont give up. I know life should be hard but I’m sure you will be fine soon.
Jessy Habibtih please email me at gracEnehme@live.com.au i Think i might have the right organisation in sydney australia that can help to bRing you here. My ex boyfriend is transgender and he is doing amazing in australia. If you eMail me i promise you i will Try to help You. Allah aYwikeh jesse take care be careful much love Grace Nehme
Thank you grace for your supporting w bitmana eno tse3duni w b3atit emaili.
Stay strong. I know that sounds like a silly thing to say when all that Has happened to you is so evident, but I say this that you may know there are people who send their love to you. People who know suffering a you have. And they would say to you as they have said to themselves; stay strong.
Hi jesse, i am sorry you have suffered so terribly. Much love to yOu. Perhaps yOu might consider Seeking refugee stAtus in australia. They have the 2nd highest refugee rate after the usA provided you come by plane. (Not boat). You are justified in seeking refugee status because you fear for your life based on your cultural belIefs. Maybe there is a way to get to ausTralia by plane? TrAnsgenDer people are more widEly accepted in australia but its not perfEct. YOu won’t need to Live in fear everyday. Much love to you.
IF YOU CAN find A WAY TO US, I CAN find A home for YOU WITH ME.
I hope that:(
you are a strong person. you are an inspiration to many. do not give up! believe in your dreams and find a way to make them a reality. you are worthy of a good life, a safe life, and need to be around a supportive group of people who you can trust. please reach out for help, either in your country, or consider relocating to another country where you will be allowed to be you. there are many people in the USA who have gone through similar life experiences, there are organizations that can help you. please believe in the freedom, the love and the inner strength that you possess to bring you to the the right place with the right people. you can get your education to become a nurse! you can live your dream! please do not give up!!
Thank you for sharing your story and Suffering. I wish to Have an “answer” for yOu. It is sad and painful to read your words and hear how you are living. I trust that you will find your way. You have gotten yourself this far. YOu are strong in sticking to who you are despite what others believe. You are closer to the truth then those who are Unable to accept you. Keep doing what you are doing. Be your own best friend and proteCtor. You amaze me. You are part of the change that is happenIng. So beautIful, so painful.
Have you contacted the UN?
I went to UNRWA organization because I’m palastinine but they didn’t help me
:( I’m so sorry, Jessy. I wish I could be there to help you :(. Nobody has the right to judge you, my dear. Blessings.
I AM READING these STORIES WHICH ARE ALL VERY SAD TO READ, BUT HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE BEING HELPED? LIVING IN THE STREETS IS NOT A LIFE FOR ANYONE!
be strong dear..god still love you
All I can say is, go kick some ass! You show them the queen you are!!!!!
Love wins!!! #euqlity
I will. Keep you in my prayers. God loves you and want you to be with him and in him.
God bless and be happy
You are the bravest person in the world! Keep fighting, dear! You should come to America, find the way to beat all those people who where that cruel to you, you can do it!!!!
I wish you the best in the world, you will find happiness, I’ll be praying for you! Be
I am same like u dear… My story also resembles u.. But I hope u succeed in your goal.. I won’t believe in god but hope he will help u its his responsibility too because he created us like this.
روح السفاره الامريكية أطلب حق اللجوء بسبب اضطهادك
When i read ur story i was ReAlly hurt😔 iF i just or someone elsE can help you. For all your sufferings and your braVe god will reward you. I believe in it and You believe! Dont give up. the best future is waiting foR you😘😘😘
I’m sorry to hear thiS… You should try at the embassy or at the police… Try to emigrate.. In Europe you will be accepted, find a job, and have your life like a normal person, people will judge you anywhere you go but people judge everyone even if He|she is perfect, they will always find something to judge… Don’ t grt upsed about what others says… This is the human nature.. But at least in europe you will can live your life with all the rights that u have.. I still don’t understand .. You are a boy or a Girl? Or what? I don’t jud u i just didn’t understand. Hope you will be fine and escape from lebanon
I just don’the understand the world sorry jessies
COme to istanbul jessiE. I wish you can go to europe or america But if you cant, come here. Im so moved by your Story and deeply hurt. Im neither transgender noR gay, howEver no matter what we are we shouldnt be defined by our seXuality. Things you have been through made me so angry, so dissapointed in humanity. Please be Strong. You are not alone.
I don’t know how I can to go out Lebanon because no one help me and all the organizations in Lebanon didn’t help me, I wish to live in a safety country and respect me now I live in street………..
You are a sincerely brave person. And I wish you every bit of happiness in your life because you deserve it. Be strong be brave be you
Im speechless. I can never understand how we human beings can be so cruel and stupid towards each other. She should live her life as she wants, everyone should be allowed to be who and what they want to be.