Ruslan /

“While I was in high school my peers never missed a chance to call me a fagot, and make comments which underline, once again my homosexuality and publicly ridicule me. I could never understand why they did it, because I never stated in the school that I was gay.
One day when I was walking with a girlfriend from a neighboring school, those who do not miss a chance to hurt me begin fallowing us. They were laughing and shouting insults. Suddenly, one of them pushed me under the wheels of a passing car, the driver saw me and braked, but the wheels passed over my leg. I didn’t feel the pain so I let the frightened driver go convinced that all is well. Five minutes later, when the shock was gone I felt wild pain, I could not stand on my leg! The doctor said that I had broken a few bones and my massive boots saved my leg from being crushed by the wheel.

I spent a few months at home. There were the courts, which I refused to go to. The excuses of the guys were so ridiculous that it became silly. I felt only resentment and anger, and didn’t understand what right they had to expose my life such danger?!
The second case, when I was attacked, happened when I was first year student of university.
I was walking with my dog in the yard. There was a group of skinheads hanging around. I was a perfect target because I had long hair and dressed brightly. Everything happened very fast. They smashed my head with a baseball bat.
I don’t want to describe what I felt that evening and how much I was scared, because I don’t want to remember these attacks over and over again, it’s very painfully.

Another case was when, after clubbing, a random group who were not very friendly, called me a “fucking fagot”. I replied with some expletives (I could not just keep quiet when somebody insults me). And then I lay unconscious in the flowerbed – they had smashed a bottle over my head and kicked me in the stomach and head. Thank God my friend did not get beaten as much as me.
Any way I didn’t go to the hospital.

As a consequence: another concussion. The consequence of multiple concussions have become frequent fainting, headaches, nose bleeding. One doctor said that he is surprised I had not become an invalid.
The last attack affected not only me but also my friends. Near nightclub XXXX we were attacked by patrons of the club. They were Dagestani. They believed that “fagots shouldn’t dance next to their girlfriends”.
They stomped on our heads until we lost consciousness. I had another concussion, and on of our girlfriends got a splinter of bone in her eye, and had to have surgery.

After beating I lost my memory, for an hour, for a day or two. I lay at home for months under the supervision of doctors, suffering from seizures (blood would gush from my nose, and I would get a headache so bad that I would lose consciousness).
Going to the police is not beneficial. They do nothing.
Now as I am writing this, I’m hold back the tears because of the shame, because it seems like it’s forever, so it will be again and again. And the anger is so much. I’m sick of always being the victim.”

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