Tina /

“its a long story… try to make it as brief as possible.
less of me….more of what you expect me to be is the way I lived my life. I was really young I knew I was a lesbian. ..I was told this is wrong. I fought this reality with all my might. I forced myself to like boys but I failed miserably, I met this girl she figured out I was a lesbian for once I felt understood,safe….we promised ourselves to comeout together. ..I chickened out,she didnt… she was chased from home longstory short she ended her life.I blamed myself for ages. I resolved to be asexual for the rest of my life .so I was happy faking my new asexual status..most people always said youre too beautiful not to have a boyfriend, my family all thought I ought to have a fleet of boys,my friends always lamented youre too pretty not to date. I am a social butterfly btw so not being in a relationship always perplexed people. …I wanted to tell them all so badly I love girls not boys…but how would I….everyone looked up to me…..a successful youth councillor at church,voted beautiful girl in class&all my young counsins wishing to be like me when they grow up….I did everything as was expected…but I couod never bring myself to actually date a boy because there was zero attraction there….with time I hated myself….the pressures increased. ….I decided to volunteer to run away….I met this girl she figured out I was a lesbian I for once in a long while confided in her…I felt so free…..I felt myself I was truly happy….I didnt want this feeling to ever go away so my foolishness begun…..I confided in one of my friends that im actually not straight. …in a space of 3hrs…the news was viral……I got hate texts,mockery videos,she got everyone to turn against me…my family found out……I got a breif weekend break from volunteering went home….they tried to an exorcism. …….I changed phone lines I couldn’t stand the messages..they were so hurtful. ..I thought they were my friends… home my family said I leave the house if I continue with this lesbian phase….I reported back to my volunteering program. … I was so confused, I felt alone, I wanted someone to talk to.I tried googling online counselling it was no help……I tried a few forums no one wanted to listen to me…..I started doin drugs…I needed to forget. ….it was my escape. … now addicted to drugs……I wish this was one of those happy ending stories but its not……..i see no reason to life…. I cant finish uni…..when my volunteering program is done il have no where ti start from…..I m filled with so much hatred for my family, friends, country. I used to be a valuable member of society. ..I had it altogether I was living a lie but atleast I was living……..I hope if people reading this should know your words&actions have power to make someone or break them ….be nice even to that which you don understand. … at apoint where death is not a distant reality. ………I may just pay it a visit ..”

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