Nick / France
“I’m french, I’m gay, I’m 21, I’m passionate.
As long as I remember, people started to define me as gay before even I acknowledged it.. As a matter of facts, about 6 or 7 years ago, a friend and I were walking along a street, laughing out loud and somehow, a guy started to shout ‘faggot !’ indefinetely on the other side of the street. Sheer provocation : I couldn’t stand here and smile stupidly because I thought at first that he wasn’t talking to me ; so I said the guy to shut up… He crossed the street, pacing in my direction, pushed me and swore my death the next time he’d see me.
Sadly “classic”, this story wouldn’t get out of my mind, even though I had to do if everything was normal the rest of the day, not only to my friends, but also to my family.
The mental pain I suffered (it was the first time I couldn’t eat for more than 24h) was the beginning of something great, as paradoxical as it seems. the anger of the situation and the burden I was wearing made me the person I am today : I strong, sexual and confident man who is living a wonderful love story.
Concerning my coming out, it has been very natural to my friends. They have been really supporting. My family only knows it since this year, and, except my parents, they all support me.
I guess I had a very fancy way to communicate with my parents along the years about my sexuality. I developed a curious fascination about an artist named “Lady Gaga”. As I figure it now, she impersonated my exuberances, and I engaged a real cathartic process as I projected on her the scandalous sexual deviances and social provocations. I think it helped at first, my parents to acknowledge my personality when I showed them the scandalous paintings with her breast squeezed and her hands tied.
Anyway, as we all have our ways to deal with this topic, I chose to liberate my burden through art and to emancipate myself from the family nest by moving to another city for my studies. My parents make everything not to make my lover exist; they will not mention him, in a sentence or not ask anything about him. But they are bound to live with the person I am today, whether they like it or not.
When I feel lonely, I like to remind me this words gaga said during the Born This Way Ball Tour:
‘I am not a prisoner,
They would not define me,
You are the future,
And they… will… LOVE US’