Tina / Uganda
“its a long story…..il try to make it as brief as possible.
less of me….more of what you expect me to be is the way I lived my life. I was really young I knew I was a lesbian. ..I was told this is wrong. I fought this reality with all my might. I forced myself to like boys but I failed miserably, I met this girl she figured out I was a lesbian for once I felt understood,safe….we promised ourselves to comeout together. ..I chickened out,she didnt… she was chased from home longstory short she ended her life.I blamed myself for ages. I resolved to be asexual for the rest of my life .so I was happy faking my new asexual status..most people always said youre too beautiful not to have a boyfriend, my family all thought I ought to have a fleet of boys,my friends always lamented youre too pretty not to date. I am a social butterfly btw so not being in a relationship always perplexed people. …I wanted to tell them all so badly I love girls not boys…but how would I….everyone looked up to me…..a successful youth councillor at church,voted beautiful girl in class&all my young counsins wishing to be like me when they grow up….I did everything as was expected…but I couod never bring myself to actually date a boy because there was zero attraction there….with time I hated myself….the pressures increased. ….I decided to volunteer to run away….I met this girl she figured out I was a lesbian I for once in a long while confided in her…I felt so free…..I felt myself I was truly happy….I didnt want this feeling to ever go away so my foolishness begun…..I confided in one of my friends that im actually not straight. …in a space of 3hrs…the news was viral……I got hate texts,mockery videos,she got everyone to turn against me…my family found out……I got a breif weekend break from volunteering went home….they tried to an exorcism. …….I changed phone lines I couldn’t stand the messages..they were so hurtful. ..I thought they were my friends…..at home my family said I leave the house if I continue with this lesbian phase….I reported back to my volunteering program. … I was so confused, I felt alone, I wanted someone to talk to.I tried googling online counselling it was no help……I tried a few forums no one wanted to listen to me…..I started doin drugs…I needed to forget. ….it was my escape. …..im now addicted to drugs……I wish this was one of those happy ending stories but its not……..i see no reason to life…. I cant finish uni…..when my volunteering program is done il have no where ti start from…..I m filled with so much hatred for my family, friends, country. I used to be a valuable member of society. ..I had it altogether I was living a lie but atleast I was living……..I hope if people reading this should know your words&actions have power to make someone or break them ….be nice even to that which you don understand. …..im at apoint where death is not a distant reality. ………I may just pay it a visit ..”
So now I am sitting here at my computer bailing my eyes out…. i can’t imagine how it must be to have noone listen to you, to have everyone abandon you and leave you alone just because of who you’re attracted to. if you need someone to listen to, maybe contact some western activists or join a lgbtiq+ facebook group… you could also just message me, i always listen… good luck, girl. stay strong, don’t give up and Always keep fighting!
Your story made me cry. It is so sad that anybody wants to respect you :( Maybe you could try to talk with american or british lgbti+ activists about your problems.? the will listen to you.