SaAd / Pakistan
“It’s painful to live in a state of a half acceptance. I’ve experienced what it’s like to be openly gay, amongst friends and people who cared for me and loved me no matter what. But that changed once I moved back to Pakistan; a country where two men cannot be involved, and the first thing you see on a dating app is a warning suggesting that homosexuality and beastiality are considered one and the same thing. It is more than a shock. It’s scary and threatening. My friends know I’m gay. My sister knows I’m gay. And they support me, for which I’m thankful. There’s a lot that goes on underground. But I live every day in fear of my parents finding out, of someone at a mosque staring at me and hating me for me, and it is impossible to come out anymore- because I love my parents, and the hurt this will give them keeps me up at night, leads me to cut myself and cry myself to sleep. It’s one thing never knowing the feeling of freedom, but it’s another feeling that go away completely. But there’s hope. I want to be an adVocate for those who have never known what iT is to be free, and be proud of who you are. I want to share, and i want to lIve loving myself.”
