Hazard / South Africa
“My story begins as a complicated young boy brought up in a society where sometimes I wondered whether we preach love. I grow up in rejection of myself and more over tendered to hate gay people too. I too was thought to hate and I really became good at it, internally I called it my guard. Allow me to contextualize this for you, gay, Muslim and something like the priest son.
22years of internal TORMENT and hatred i fell inlove and my world had changed overnight, I had no fears and the sky became my limit. I had the chance to truly feel love and give love and for that I am grateful. I too am human, with all the hate I possessed I became tired of telling myself the greatest lie everyday for 22years. It is however ever sad that my relationship ended and the love of my life and I are both hurting, but We both come from similar backgrounds whereby being ourselves and open is impossible, WHEREby we cannot see any goodness coming our way any more so we live with our mental illness and scares, forever as we please those around us BUT with hope that noone else will have to face this pain and torment as we Do.
Someone once asked me if me being gay was nature or nurture, I never said this then but today I would like to say honey, .what is nurture is the mental illness and suicidal thoughts that cross my mind everyday.
My dream is to see others in a world I will never have, and if I could take back time id wish I never tortured myself for so long for acceptance had set me free. Today ive realized, we preach love and teach hate.