Mattie / United States
“I have two faces. Maya and Mattie. Straight and queer.
At school, no one cares. It’s great. No one cares that I have short hair. No one cares that I like boys and girls. Everyone is accepting and only cares about my personality, who I am as a person; not labels. That is how I want to be seen. I want people to know who I am, but I don’t want it to define me. I want to be defined my the way I acted, the fact that I’m kind, I like to help people; not that I’m qeer.
At home, I am a straight, cisgender girl. I constantly have to hear my moms comments, “Maya, why don’t you grow your hair out?” “Maya, why do you like boy stuff. You’re a girl! Act like one.” I have to hear her homophobic comments. I can’t say anything, I always feel like she will suspect something.
I want to tell my mom who I am, but I am so scared. I don’t think she will understand who I am. I have a transgender friend, he is actually one of my best friends. My mom constantly uses the wrong pronouns. She hates that I hang out with him and thinks he’s the reason I want to dress like a boy.
Last year, I tried to kill myself. I felt so trapped and stuck, like nothing would ever get better. I felt like there was something was wrong with me but realized it was something wrong with society. I was certain the society was never going to change. No one knew who I was. I was living a lie. My parents are still trying to figure out why I did it. If only, they knew.”
6 comments on “Mattie”
as salvador said, “be yourself, everyone else is taken.” they’re are plenty of people out in the world who do understand you.
Mattie stay strong. You seem like a beautiful person.. continue to show your true self. Things are changing. I’m praying for you. You have a whole bright future ahead of things you can do and change. Take care
Mattie, your situation will change and one day you will be free to be who you want and do what you want, no matter what other people, even your own family, think and say. keep on being strong, you look like an amazing person and that is all that matters. i love this quote from oscar wilde, saying : “be yourself, everyone else is taken.” much love from europe.
I think as a minority, I can understand anyone who has faced adversity. You should know there are people who will stand up for you and join your fight, even if we are straight! You being different, or not being what others say you should conform to, is not your problem. It is their problem! I am here in the u.s. and straight, and I will fight for your rights! Don’t ever let anyone drive you to do something out of desperation.
the world is gonna changing, for there are many willing to help and embrace you. even we cannot stand by you, we are all trying our best to improve this world, fighting for homosexualities. don’t lose your trust toward people, the world is still replete with love and hopes.
GoD bless you mattie