Aki

Aki / ,

“BORN IN INDIA TO BE BULLIED, ASSAULTED, CALLED A FAGGOT, HIJRA, LAUGHED AT, LEFT ALONE TO CRY IN TRAUMATIC SITUATIONS BY HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY. NOBODY QUESTIONED WHY WAS I ALWAYS QUIET. EVERY MOVE, EVERY GESTURE, MY WHOLE BODY LANGUAGE WAS QUESTIONED BY ANYBODY WHO FELT TO DO SO OR FOR THEIR MERE ENJOYMENT. I WAS CUSSED AND CALLED FEMININE, WEAK, AND SENSITIVE. I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS OKAY TO BE ALL OF THIS AND BEHAVE OR DRESS AS I WANTED. MY OWN FATHER COULDN’T SEE INSIDE ME AS HE TREATED ME FROM LIFE THREATENING CONDITIONS. EXPECTED TO BE AN A+ STUDENT WHO MUST BECOME A ‘MAN’ AND FEND FOR HIMSELF. NOTHING MATTERED BUT EDUCATION. AS I ASKED MYSELF WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG; I FOUND RELIEF IN HITTING MY HEAD ON THE BATHROOM WALL EVERYDAY. TILL DATE I HOPE I CAN HAVE A HEARTFELT CHAT WITH MY MUMMA OR FATHER WHICH IS NOT ABOUT SUCCESS, SAVINGS, CAREER OR FUTURE OR HOW COULD THEY BRAG ABOUT ME TO THE SOCIETY TO MASSAGE THEIR PRIDE. A CONVERSATION WHERE THEY COULD TRULY WANT TO KNOW THE REAL ME. WITH ALL THE LIES MY FAMILY TOLD ME; WITH ALL THE FAILURES IN FINDING LOVE ELSEWHERE (TILL TODAY); I DIDN’T GIVE UP AND ESCAPED TO COME TO THE BAY AREA. I WAS EXPECTED TO BE A DOCTOR OR A LAWYER OR SOMETHING SIMILAR AND COULDN’T BE AN ARTIST SO I DECIDED ON SOMETHING WHERE I CAN CURE PEOPLE. NOW I AM A BIOTECHNOLOGIST WHO STILL TRIES TO PRACTICE HIS PASSION, DANCE, CUZ MY FAMILY WON’T LET ME. EVERYDAY, I WANT TO DONATE A PART OF MY LIFE FOR LGBTQ+ ADVOCACY. STILL A PART CLOSETED BOY ENDURING TO SHARE THIS STORY; WHO DIRELY WISHES EVERYDAY THAT HE COULD BE JUST A TINY BIT MORE OF HIS TRUE SELF. HE STRUGGLES ABOUT COMING OUT EVERY PASSING SECOND SO HE COULD SHARE HIS HONEST SPARKLE AND RAINBOW TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE. AKI STRUGGLES THAT HIS COUNTRY WON’T PROTECT HIM AND USA WON’T ACCEPT HIM AS AN IMMIGRANT. NOBODY DESERVES THIS. AS I RUN ON AUTOMATIC, I WONDER WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG.”

 

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