Abby Schmetterling /

“I always felt feminine and was proud of my femininity. I was also attracted to boys from early on, but it took me until my mid-20s to acknowledge my bisexuality. And it took until my early 40s to acknowledge my womanhood. I had simply never heard of transition and did not know it was possible. I grew up in a very repressive and secluded community. Once my egg cracked (when I realized that I was trans), it hit me so hard that it was truly a matter of life and death, of transition or die. I dove into the deep end and transitioned as fast as I possibly could – HRT, laser hair removal, name and gender change, and vaginoplasty, all completed in about 1.5 years.    

Getting my vagina was amazing! Finally the disconnect between my genitals and the rest of me was gone. For the first few months, a rigorous dilation schedule must be followed, inserting a dilator (much like a smooth, hard dildo) at prescribed intervals to maintain vaginal depth as it heals. While dilating, about 4 weeks post op, I experienced my first vaginal orgasm. Soon I was able to get clitoral orgasms as well. My sexuality roared back! 

My longest intimate relationship has been with a woman, but I did have a few experiences with men before transition. I have identified as bisexual for over 20 years, and my sexual attraction tended to slide back and forth along the Kinsey scale. But after getting my vagina, the desire for men has become increasingly intense. 

I had just started looking on dating apps a couple of months before Covid arrived and things went into lockdown, so that quest was delayed. At times the craving is so intense that I’ve wondered if my orientation might be changing to heterosexual. But checking in, I am definitely still attracted to women as well. But it may be that the unfulfilled desire keeps me on that end of the Kinsey scale for now. 

Perhaps I will write again once I have had more experience.”

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