Bobby / Jamaica
“My story by: Bobby Brandon Brown
My name is Bobby I am writing my story to tell you about my life being a gay man and living in Jamaica. I am 23 years of age and I am proud to say that I am gay. My life has been so hard to the extent I tried to kill myself more than once; I have been beaten because of my sexuality. I tried to kill myself because I was ashamed of myself because at one point I hated myself for being gay and I remember I went Down Town Waterfront trying to jump off to drown myself because I was so sad that no one loved me because of my sexuality. I am forced to leave my home and I have to been sleeping with guys to spend a night their house and even though I didn’t want to do it, I never had a choice.
I have been raped by my uncle and it made me want to kill myself because when I told my family they didn’t believe me. No one was there for me to comfort me and to say it was going to be okay.
I don’t have anywhere to go because I have to be sleeping with guys to stay at their house for the night. I was robbed with a knife and gun and right there and then I said to myself and to my mom and dad that I loved them even though they ran me out of the house. Sometimes I say to myself that I wish I was dead! Because I was all alone with nobody to care for and love me. I tired so many times to kill myself because I feel I don’t belong in this world.
Things I have been through for the past two (2) years I wish they would know how much I am hurting. Am I happy? No, I am not because everyday friends of mine gets killed and I wonder when it’s going to be me. I cry at nights thinking that no one is there for me.
I didn’t have a home to go to- sometimes I sleep on the road or stay out on the road until day light. I am also the only child for my father. Sometimes when I stay with friends, I have to clean their house and wash their clothes as if I am their slave. One of my friend’s family took me in and they fed me and took care of me and that was the only time I feel wanted and loved. They gave me hope; I have been heartbroken once and I tried to kill myself by taking pills and my friend’s mother came in and called the police and I was rushed to the hospital. After I came out, they sat me down and told me that they are my family and they love me and that day was the best day of my life.
When I don’t have money, I have to sleep with guys to get money so that I can eat food and other things. I have been doing that for some time now and I feel so cheap but I have to do what I have to do to live. I was at work one day and after work I was attacked by some guys who said I was gay. I had to run for my life because they were going to beat me to death. Right there and then I knew I couldn’t live in Jamaica.
I have been through so much I just want to kill myself at times because I have to be facing these problems being gay and living in Jamaica. People bash me and call me names such as battyman, fish, queer, homo, faggot and the list goes on and It’s hard to get a job when persons know your sexuality.
What I am writing here can’t even explain all u have been through because it’s hard for me to talk about and there is so much more to tell as I said, my story could write a book. You want to express yourself but living in Jamaica you can’t do that because they will kill you even if you act girly they will beat you. Growing up, I was a little girly and I talked like a girl so it was really hard for me to speak because people often teased me. I was raped and given an STI and It was that moment in my life I felt I was going to kill myself because I didn’t have anyone there for me at that moment. However, life goes on, right? I just need people to understand that us LGBT people are loving, caring and wonderful. We are more than being LGBT- we are not all about the party and fashion there is so much more than that.
So this is my little story.”