Hilma / Camille Lenain, France
“My mother is my biggest model, and never voluntarily imposed it on me. And that’s what I found beautiful.
Even though I went to Quranic school and even though I grew up in a Muslim family, I don’t feel like I know my religion that much. I was instilled with something. I feel like a lot of people I know who are Muslim, or who think they are Muslim, it is because it was imposed on them. But I also know people who profoundly love this religion.
I don’t want to tell myself that I pray just because it’s my duty as a Muslim. At the moment I don’t feel like I’m complete enough to be able to engage. I don’t want to put myself on a prayer rug while I’m drinking, it’s as if I’m impure and, suddenly, I don’t deserve to put myself on a prayer mat.
There are also certain points of religion which are not totally in accordance with our way of life or perhaps our way of life isn’t in accordance with religion… I think that to believe in something, even if you don’t necessarily believe in God, but you believe in an entity, it’s a kind of pillar and allows you to have hope in the world.
I don’t like posing words, defining myself in any way. If I had to choose, I think I’m closer to pansexuality more than anything else. Some days I want to feel more like a femme, and times when I don’t want to feel like femme at all. And I don’t mind being called him, being called her. If there had to be no gender, it would have been perfect.”
