Daniel / Brazil
“As a child, in a natural way I acted differently, and had different tastes, gestures, behaviors… Anyway, it was quite different from a “normal” boy. As I grew older, adults taught me to be “like that” was wrong and I should like blue, playing only with boys, like cart and soccer. The first disappointment of my life was when I tried to be accepted with the boys, but they realized my “difference” and, as in their homes also learned that “it” was wrong, mocked me and made me feel alone.
As I grew older, began to self deny and force me to be something that wasn’t to be accepted: I approached again the boys, but this time acting be stronger. I tried to play football and talking like them – full of slangs in pronunciations. Despite all this, the boys still knew and realized my “difference” and mocked me and made me feel alone.
The second big frustration of my life was: I couldn’t get no girl wanted to kiss me, though they think me beautiful. But when I did this, didn’t feel like the boys described. Then, things got worse. At that moment the sense of sin/guilt and social exclusion collaborated to go into depression. Every day, before bed, in my prayers asking for God to take away my own life if I were to continue living fighting myself because I had fought all the ways to not be so. I swear, I tried. I didn’t want to be like this. Then it became a secret.
Upon entering college, the availability of time, knowledge and people helped me to reflect and accept me/free from all forms of oppression. One day I woke up and said: can’t stand it fool me and even get all the time forcing my body to be something I’m not; I’ll not support deceive a woman a lifetime; I can’t stand it satisfy my desires masking them and misled women; it makes no sense people don’t even try to put yourself in my place to understand; It doesn’t make sense I overwhelm myself.
Today, already accepted me as gay, the reason people had for me “torment” and deconstruct me as a human being over. The feeling I most feel is my body saying “thank you” and the freedom that I gave him is inexplicable.
And considering the fact that many young people will or are going through it, mourning also to deconstruct all oppressive way of thinking that is taught children. I hope with this story, many children read and begin to treat others how best yourself. Hope that many parents read and stop to reflect, try to understand and begin to properly educate their children and remember that a child may be reading this right now.
Society must apologize to gays, blacks, the poor, women and so many others who still suffer daily oppression and rather lead a life much harder for something I had no choice.”
