Worse than Hell

“I belong to Shia Hazara community from Bamyan province of Afghanistan. I am a gay and I have been  a gay from teenagerhood till now which I am 27 years old. I was a successful person in my life, when our family moved to Kabul from Bamyan. I started studying English at Star Educational institution and after Kankor examination made my way to Kabul polytechnic university computer Engineering faculty.

I started advocating for children and women rights and worked closely with Afghan Peace volunteers group in Kabul, but regime change; changed everything in my life. I was not able to study anymore because the person who was supporting us was my elder brother  Hussain Ali  was arrested by Taliban because he was a commando soldier in previous regime Army. Then my father decided to  enforce my sister and I to marry, he asked me to marry a girl from his relatives and asked my sister to marry an old man from his relatives who was rich enough! 

Being gay I never had an attraction toward girls and women and I never imagined that my father asking us for a force marriage. 

My father is religious and belongs politically to Hizbe Harakat Islamic party,

I never could share with anyone my sexual orientation except organisations like yours which is liberal and free.

Finally my sister and I planned to escape from Afghanistan and staying at Iran. 

As you may have reported the hatred and discrimination against Hazaras in Iran, I live in shadow of hell and even worse than Hell, missing all my dreams, working in Iran factory sometime even they do not pay my salary and even here we live in fear my father’s relatives here in Iran trying to find us and asking the Iranian police to deport us back to Kabul, as some of them recently understood why I am not marrying!

I write this piece with  eyes full of tears to you, where I look at my university card I cry deeply but having no choice. My greatest fear is if one day we get arrested by Iranian police and deported back, we Will be killed by father before we get killed by Taliban.

Even if we remain alive we can not accept that damn marriage and it naturally will turn us to a suicide.“