“When I WAS SIXTEEN I MET MY FIRST LOVE. HE WAS Eighteen And IN My EYES THE Most BEAUTIFUL MAN I HAD EVER KNOWN.

He WAS KIND AND SHOWED ME Many THINGS, And TO THIS Day I WONDER What Could Have BEEN.

BUT WE Grew Up In THE 80S, IN A Time When Things WERE CHANGING, BUT Not ENOUGH THAT WE Could RISK ANYONE FINDING Out Our FRIENDSHIP WAS ACTUALLY A RELATIONSHIP.

I ATTENDED a BOYS ONLY BOARDING SCHOOL That WAS VERY CONSERVATIVE, AND JUST A Hint OF BEING A ‘FAG’ GOT Me BEATEN UP, MY GLASSES BROKEN, AND THE SCHOOL (AND My PARENTS) PUNISHING ME THE VICTIM Because I Must Have Done SOMETHING To Deserve IT.

JOHN’S LIFE And School Was LITTLE BETTER, BUT HE WAS COOLER THAN ME AS AN Athlete SO HE AVOIDED IT MOSTLY And OFTEN TIMES WAS THE One Who PUT ME BACK TOGETHER.

THE Pressures Of Our SITUATION LED INEVITABLY TO SMALL LIES SO We Could BE TOGETHER… Then THE LIES Had TO GROW AND GROW… And The RESOURCES NEEDED HAD TO COME From SOMEWHERE, OUR WEEKEND Jobs COULDN’T FUND A Night IN A MOTEL OR BUSES To GET To Each OTHER AND DESPERATION LED To MORE LIES And EVEN STEALING. BUT WE were Happy And MAKING It THROUGH.

UNTIL JULY OF 1993, WHEN Caught In a Car ACCIDENT Not OF His MAKING, My JOHN WAS GONE FOREVER.

No One KNEW, NO ONE COULD Help ME GRIEVE OR Give ME ADVICE, NO ONE COULD HOLD ME…

SO AS THE LIES CAME UNDONE, AND I WAS CAUGHT STEALING AND What WAS LEFT OF MY NOW 17 YEAR OLD LIFE SELF DESTRUCTED SO DID I. STANDING ON THE EDGE OF A Bridge Ready To BE With JOHN, SOMETHING Turned ME BACK… AND IT WAS ONE WOMAN, THE MATRON AT MY SCHOOL Who WHEN I TOLD HER About MY Sorrow (MINUS JOHN OF COURSE) TOLD ME “Nothing IS Ever Lost If You LEARN From Your MISTAKES ADAM” .

SO I LEARNED, I Turned BACK… I HOPE OTHERS CAN LEARN TOO, MY HEART BREAKS Every TIME I HEAR SOMEONE WHO Didn’t Have THAT ONE THING TO Hold ON TO, To Bring THEM BACK.­”